I am currently in the last week (inner autumn) of my first natural cycle since having my IUD removed a month and a half ago. Throughout this past cycle, I have developed new insights about my cycle and tracking style.
With all the build-up and excitement of returning to a natural cycle and continuing my MCA journey, I became a menstrual nerd and jumped head-first into tracking as soon as I had my first bleed. I hand-made my own cycle-tracking journal fitted with charts of the seasons, moon phases and energy levels, and dedicated half a page to daily journaling about each cycle day.
My learning journey through the Red Lotus and Red School teachings as well as my personal research has included the four inner seasons framework (what is typically experienced during these phases, what hormones do what, how long each phase lasts etc.).
Because I was so excited to get into tracking, I began with so much steam and was practicing my cycle tracking in a very rigid, restrictive data-focused and numerical way. Through Natalie’s mentoring. she helped me identify this as an energetically masculine approach. I created these pressures for myself to keep up with tracking as a strict daily practice and prioritized the data collection side of things over the actual experiencing, connecting and just being with my cycle.
This disconnect showed up in my reactance to journaling, finding excuses such as ‘It’s my birthday!’ which turned into ‘It’s my birthday week!’ to avoid the pressure I’d placed on myself. Within the inner season's framework, I had an understanding of what to typically expect for however many days within a cycle. These imagined ‘shoulds’ I held onto were not aligning with how I was experiencing my cycle. The first week of my inner autumn was presenting with a much higher energy level compared to my inner summer - I was much more social, extroverted, and motivated in my autumn where I had expected to experience this in my summer.
During a Clean Language cycle check-in with Natalie on my Day 18, three visions/metaphors immediately sprung out of me like they had been waiting to be presented into the world. There were three different matters but the thing they all had in common was that they were being contained and restricted inside a boundary. All of them wanted to make their way out but only had a small point of escape.
Through reflection, I recognised that my pattern of a late summer or a highly energetic first half of my inner autumn was familiar to me but I hadn’t been able to make the connection between the experience and my infradian rhythm. All the information about how a menstrual cycle ‘should’ be experienced and the pressures I had placed on myself to keep up with the tracking had become mixed up, and took me away from what I wanted to get from tracking in the first place - an awareness of my personal experiencing of the seasons through the cycle.
Natalie’s mentoring and facilitating of my learning using Clean Language has helped me to dive deep into my first cycle and produce potent insights:
My personal cycle reflects either a late summer or an energetic first half of my inner autumn.
Rigidly structured menstrual tracking with a focus on data collection does not work for me.
With these insights, I have been able to shift my focus away from the structured masculine approach to a more feminine approach to tracking, where I can experience and connect with my cycle as it happens - by being aware of what day and season I am in without feeling the need to analyse each and every aspect of my experience. In this way, I am able to be with my cycle as it comes.
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